Monday, April 28, 2008

Quite Possibly the Stupidest Injury of All Time

Last Friday, I mentioned to my mom that we were taking the girls to see the Naturals (the new minor league baseball team) that night. A little while later, she called me back and said "You know, I was thinking... Jason used to play baseball--has he ever thought of trying out for the Naturals?"
After I finished laughing hysterically, I told her that no, Jason had not considered trying out and hadn't played baseball in about 14 years.

The next night, we were playing outside with the girls, Aunt Ashley, Uncle Thad and Grandma Becky, when Jason (possibly inspired by the previous night's ball game?)picked up a plastic bat and ball. THWACK!!!

I heard the sound of plastic on plastic and, with my cat-like reflexes, turned and ducked. The line drive off my husband's oversized plastic bat hit me squarely on the left ear and my immediate reaction was to start crying because 1) I'm kind of a crybaby 2) It hurt really, really bad 3) I couldn't hear anything and 4) I was sort of mad.

After I quit crying, I examined my bright red ear and determined that the pain was coming from the inside. I couldn't hear, felt a lot of pressure and there was this weird ringing sound inside my head. I spent all weekend talking about it, just to make sure Jason felt sufficiently guilty. He did.

This morning I went to the doctor, as a precaution, since my ear is still hurting. You may be surprised to know that it's possible to rupture your ear drum with a Little Tikes plastic ball--well, if the ball is coming towards your ear at a rapid speed from about four feet away.

In addition to the ear drum rupture, my jaw is also swollen and slightly displaced. From a plastic ball, people! You really can't make this stuff up.

So now I've got ear drops, an anti-inflammatory for my jaw and two weeks of not washing my hair in the shower ahead of me. If you think I'm going to let this go easily, you're wrong. I intend to milk this for at least a few weeks of special treatment.

And as for the plastic bats and balls we have lying around here--I'm thinking of replacing them all with nerf balls.


Lisa said...

As sorry as I am for you (especially about the hair washing part), I really can't stop laughing. Okay - I just tried - and nope, can't stop laughing. I think it's the mental image of Jason winding up and being so proud of himself, and to have his grand slam greeted by your tears of pain. I fully expect you to milk this one. You can make things up like you can't cook because you can't hear the oven timer due to the intense ringing in your ear. And you certainly can't do any laundry because if the washing machine happened to get off balance you wouldn't hear it and it could ruin the whole thing.

Meredith said...

I have never posted a comment on this blog, partly because this is Meredith's avenue for creativity, not mine. With that in mind, I feel as though I need to correct a few misstatements in her recitation of the "facts." First, I was about 30 feet away, not 4. I note this for two reasons: (a) I was 30 feet away, not 4 and (b) I need to be given credit for such precision at such a distance. It would have been easy to hit her from 4 feet away, but it takes significant talent to account for the wind speed, the "english" on the ball, and the terminal velocity which can be achieved with an oversized, hard-plastic ball. Second, I was not trying to hit her. To the contrary, I was aiming for the middle of the yard, but due to said "english" on the ball, I misjudged the curve that the line drive would travel. Had I been pitching, it would have been a sweet curve ball. And third, while her injuries are certainly severe, and I should absolutely be remorseful (which I am), and that she should be able to nurse this injury for whatever it is worth (which I give her permission to do since I was the cause of the effect, subject to certain dollar limitations), Meredith's description of her own injuries would lead one to believe that she will be in neck traction for the next two weeks. While her injuries are significant, and no doubt painful, she will survive, as will our marriage. However, I am now emboldened by my mother-in-law's comment about me making the team of our local Double AA minor league ball club. I should do quite fine so long as I can use a plastic bat that has a diameter of 7 inches and a plastic ball that is larger than a softball.

I love you Meredith and I am sorry for the injury, but I am glad you made good blogger-fodder from my mishap.

Major League

Seth said...

I think that a cash settlement is in store... Mer, I will certainly represent you.

Meredith said...

Jason? Seriously? Are we going to have to call you "Major League" now?
Seth, I like the way you think. I was planning a huge retail therapy session to help ease the pain/suffering. Cash is good too.

Cortney said...

Remember that time that Jason hit you in the ear with the little tikes baseball and ruptured your eardrum???

This story is NEVER going to get old!!!

Meredith said...

Hey Cortney,

Major League here. Remember that time you rolled down the window at the Razorback game to yell at a few people and the events that followed.

Dude, that story HAS never got old!

Dana said...

Jason is obviously pulling the "lawyer card" when he should be at the local jeweler....can you say DIAMONDS. I think that would make Meredith feel sooooo much better.