Saturday, August 29, 2009

And That's When I Knew I'd Failed Her

Claire's new soccer team is called "The Beat"--a name which I find equally amusing and stupid. When I told Claire the name of her team, she had a confused look and said, "That's a weird name."

I nodded in agreement, "But at least we can sing 'We've got the beat, we've got the beat, we've got the beat...yeahhhhh!!!' when you score a goal."

"What song is that?"

"It's the Go-Gos," I replied. She still looked confused so I launched into a few bars of "Vacation" and "Our lips are sealed".

"The Go-Gos?" she asked skeptically.

"Uh, yeah. Only one of my favorite 80s bands, like, ever."

She thought about it for a second and then her face lit up. "Oh! The Go-Gos! They're from Diego, right?"

"Um. No. Those would be the BoBos."

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Because I Know You Love a Good Arden Moment

Today at (where else?) Wal-Mart, Arden was mad because I wouldn't let her buy (1) Star Magazine (2) a Dr. Pepper (3) a bleach pen (seriously. Who stocks those shelves near the check-out? Do they hate all parents, or is it just me? Are they TRYING to set my kid up for failure? Could they not fill those shelves with broccoli or cantaloupe or toilet paper?). Not recognizing Arden's bad mood, the sweet checker made the mistake of telling Arden her dress was pretty. This innocuous comment set off a string of rude remarks from AK, most of which were (thankfully) unintelligible thanks to the combination of her southern accent and inability to pronounce the letter r. I think the checker got the general idea, though, what with all the forceful finger pointing and furrowed eye brows going on.

In the car, I asked Arden why she was so rude to the checker.

"Because she said my dress was pity. It's not pity. You're pity, Mommy."

Well. What are you supposed to say to that?

Apparently, not "It doesn't matter if you think I'm pretty (which, by the way, thanks) you're still going to Time Out as soon as we get home. And you can forget about that ice cream cone you wanted."

Because, if you say that, all of a sudden you're not so pretty anymore. At least according to your three year old.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Claire goes to Kindergarten

Interview with a Kindergartner....

Did you have a good day?
It was gooooood times.

What was your favorite part?
Well, the most funnest part was lunch and recess. But you didn't let me eat in the cafeteria today.

You didn't eat in the cafeteria? Where did you eat?
I ate IN the cafeteria but I didn't get a tray. I want to get a tray tomorrow.

You actually want to eat school food?
Yes. I want to get a tray.

Well, tomorrow's lunch is hamburgers. You hate hamburgers. You throw an enormous fit every time your dad grills hamburgers and demanded a hot dog instead. Last time I didn't have any hot dogs and there was weeping and gnashing of teeth.
Well. Now I like hamburgers. And I want to get a tray.

Ooookaaaay...Besides lunch, what else did you like?
I liked recess. But it was only, like, five minutes.

I think it's a little longer than five minutes--
You also didn't let me ride the bus.

Trust me, Claire. You don't want to ride the bus.
Yes, I do. The big kids ride the bus and I'm not a little kid.

So you're saying you wish I hadn't made your lunch or picked you up from school?

Awesome....What did you learn about today?
Ohhhh stuff like how not to spread germs and have good manners. We didn't learn to read yet.

I'm sure you'll get to that soon. Did you meet some new friends?
Yeah! There's this boy Oliver from the purple room last year he's in my class but he likes to be called Ollie just like I like to be called Claire Bear.

Did you tell your friends to call you Claire Bear?
Noooo....that's my FAMILY nickname, Mom.

Got it. Sounds like you had a good day. Are you excited about tomorrow?
I have to go back tomorrow?

Yes, sweet girl. Tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the next day....So many days that will fly by until the next thing I know, I'm taking your picture walking into your first day of college instead of kindergarten.
What are you talking about?

Monday, August 3, 2009

Proofs (not the mathematical kind)

Proof that I use bribery as a parenting technique far too often:

Me: Claire, please go clean up the toys in the playroom.
Claire, eyes locked on the TV: I'll give you 15 bucks if you do it.


Proof that you never know what Arden will do next:

She got sent to time out during dinner tonight for putting green peas down Claire's shirt.


Proof that having a baby who wears a contact has an upside:

When I ran out of saline solution yesterday, I borrowed Amelia's.


Proof that I am entirely too sleep deprived:

When Jason asked me how many times I got up with Amelia last night, I couldn't remember.


Proof that I'm not as cool as I think I am:

I got mad--really, really mad--that my DVR didn't record So You Think You Can Dance for the THIRD WEEK IN A ROW.


Proof that there is no substitute for life-long friendships:

Friends who haven't seen each other in weeks (love you, Ash!) or even months (love you, Gretch!), pick right back up where they left off last time they saw each other.


Proof that my first baby is growing up too fast:

Claire starts kindergarten in two weeks. Two weeks! I feel sick just thinking about it.


Proof that my last baby is growing up too fast:

Amelia is doing that "get up on all fours and rock back and forth a few times before face planting into the carpet" thing. I fear this means crawling is coming sooner than I'd like.


Proof that I am a glutton for punishment--and also probably delusional:

I'm contemplating another half marathon--and have only run once since Amelia was born. Quick, someone talk me out of this--please!


Proof that I DO get paid for this stay-at-home gig:

Arden: Mommy, I like you.

Claire: Mommy, you look so pretty today. Can I have all your clothes when I'm old?

Amelia: Ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma