Sunday, December 16, 2007

An Open Letter to the Person Who Stole My Credit Card

Dear Credit Card Thief, or more specifically, Credit Card NUMBER thief,

I'm glad I could help make your Christmas season a little merrier by paying for the gifts you ordered online last week. Whoever you had in mind for all those lovely presents will appreciate your thoughtfulness, although you might want to leave out the part about how you paid for them using a stolen credit card number. I'm just sayin'...
I'm sure the lucky recipient of the gourmet coffee will greatly appreciate it. Also, the wine. That was very thoughtful of you. However, I think you should have definitely reconsidered the leather portfolio. It looks a little, well, on the cheap side. Not that you asked, but the next time you go on a shopping spree with someone else's money, you might consider something from Coach.
And as for that "Profit Sharing" ebook you purchased... I hate to tell you this, but I'm pretty sure that's just a pyramid scheme. I'm sure Shaun Kasey is a real stand up guy, but I'm starting to resent all the emails I'm getting from him, on account of my, excuse me, YOUR, recent internet purchase. And seriously, who signs their emails "Yours in Success" anyway?
I hope you enjoy your upcoming trip to Vegas. At least, I'm assuming you're going there since you purchased a Las Vegas entertainment book full of coupons with GREAT DEALS ON DINING, SHOWS, HOTELS AND MORE!! It appears that I won't be paying for your trip, as my card was cancelled as soon as I started receiving emails thanking me for all my purchases, but if I may, I would recommend staying at the Bellagio. It's gorgeous.
Well, happy holidays and all that.
Yours in Successful Prosecution of Identity Thieves,

p.s. I'm no expert, but the next time you steal someone's identity, you might want to change the email and shipping address on your internet orders. I'm just sayin'...


Staci said...

Wow! I hate to hear about this. I am always afraid of something like that. I loved the letter, though. I hope that you and your family have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Cortney said...

I so hate that happened to you! What a dingbat! However, I loved the letter.

JoEllyn said...

HILARIOUS! You should seriously consider a career as a writer. Every time I see one of the green "Slow down" men,(especially the one in our garage, whose name is Larry) I think of your blog and laugh.

Ashley S said...

this is halarious..but really crappy. So sorry this happened...there are so many bad people out there. Can't wait to see you on Monday! Tell my C-bear and AK hello!


Amy said...

That stinks! But, at least he isn't a 'seasoned' criminal...get it?! Sorry; bad joke. Have a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and all that jazz.
Joe, Amy, Joe Jacob and Luke Anthony!

Summer Lashley said...

Merry Christmas to you. See, that is why I am boycotting the holiday this year. It brings out the worst in people!

Sarah said...

Meredith, this is a very belated comment, but I am so sorry about the stupid theif who stole your cc numbers. I am thankful though that his stupidity allowed you a few more packages to track. You are a kindred spirit :)