Sunday, August 5, 2007

The one where I vent

Our neighborhood is being overtaken by small, strange men. It all started earlier this summer when one kept showing up at a neighbor's house, usually in the late afternoon or early evening. He would stick around until dark, just kind of standing in the middle of the street. Now, it seems he has recruited his friends and everywhere you look, there they are, hanging out in the middle of the road.
Have you seen this man?
Maybe he lives on your street too. Maybe (gasp) he lives at your house.

Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against him personally. He seems nice enough. What I have a problem with are the people who put him in the MIDDLE OF MY STREET.

Before I go on, let me offer a disclaimer: if you happen to own one of these plastic men, I'm sure you're a very normal, non-neurotic person who is simply concerned with the safety of your children and not anything like a certain neighbor who props the man up in the middle of an intersection and then proceeds to sit in a lawn chair, working the New York Times crossword puzzle while her hairless dog sunbathes next to her and her children ride their bikes or scooters or whatever down the middle of the road (without helmets, I might add).

That said, I do have to admit that these yellow (sometimes green) men drive me completely crazy. The urge to pile-drive one of them is nearly overwhelming. I'm not sure where this rage stems from. Maybe it's because when we were kids, we rode our bikes and skates and scooters all over the neighborhood without the watchful eye and "SLOW! CHILDREN PLAYING!" warning of one of these plastic men. But I don't think that's it.

Maybe it's because I feel like my neighbors should be more concerned with watching their own kids and less concerned with the flow of traffic through the neighborhood. But I don't think that's it either.

No, I think the real reason is that these little plastic men get to stand in the middle my street, holding a flag and bossing around all the adults in the neighborhood. And really, isn't that the kind of power we all wish we had?

1 comment:

Cortney said...

Hysterical! I don't know what's worse, these little plastic guys reminding you to slow down or the real man signalling with his hand 2-5 as you drive your child to the E.R. with a gash in his forehead.